broken...

It is with broken hearts that I tell you that today we had to put our sweet, beautiful girl Amelia down.  If you had told me yesterday morning as we were having a cup of tea in the living room with the fireplace going and Amelia's head on my lap (Ella chose to be upstairs on the mama's bed) that I would be penning this post today I would not have believed it ... not in a million years.  

Just after sitting in the living room Amelia and I came upstairs and joined Ella while I checked emails. Several minutes later I heard Amelia re-position herself and moan.  She did it a second time.  I had not heard her moan like that since the day she came home from the vet a month and a half ago after having her teeth cleaned and several bad teeth pulled.  I knew she was in some kind of pain.  I went downstairs for a moment and when I came back up she had jumped to the floor.  I loved on her and tried to get her to walk to the rug that was bathed in sunlight, thinking it would feel good to her.  She walked towards me and stumbled.  I rushed to her and sat with her as I called Dan telling him to bring the car that we had to take her to the vet.  

We left her at the vet for them to run tests and x-rays.  All tests were normal.  Our vet had us take her to an Emergency Clinic for overnight monitoring.  Upon arrival there they did further x-rays and found that she had fluid around her heart.  Her sweet little heart.  We were told there were one of three outcomes, and would know more today from a Cardiac specialist who would do ultrasound on her.  We cried and prayed for her all night, but sadly early this morning we learned that it was the worst case scenario.... she had a large, aggressive, bleeding tumor on her heart.

 She was diagnosed with Pericardial Effusion caused by a massive bleeding tumor on her heart.  Fatal.  We would have moved the sun and moon for her if there was anything.... anything we could have done, but we were informed that due to the size of the tumor even if they had removed the fluid around her heart that it would reoccur- within minutes or days- but more likely minutes/hours, and even then she would probably never make it out of the hospital due to complications of the procedure.  We didn't want her to suffer for one single second.  She was uncomfortable and was quietly moaning this morning, but she wasn't in pain they said.

We drove to the hospital so that we could all be with her.  Ella came in to see her before she passed and then again after.  We stayed with her and petted and loved her for hours telling her how beautiful she was, how wonderful she was, how much we loved her and how grateful we were to have her in our lives.  We told her she was good, and precious, and adored, and loved over and over.  We told her how much joy she had brought to our lives, and how she will always live in our hearts.  She was used to hearing these words of love as we had said them to her each and every day of her life with us.

She passed quietly in her soft car bed (she loved riding in the car with a passion)  that she loved so very much with Dan and me petting her, kissing her and telling her how much we loved her.  

My first words to Amelia when she arrived on the transport a mere 2 months, 1 week and 3 days ago were "Amelia, I'm your mama."  As I held her sweet, precious little face in my hands for the very last time today I told her  "Amelia, I'm your mama."

Our hearts are broken.  2 months, 1 week and 3 days was NOT enough.  

I didn't think I would be able to write these words to you earlier today, but once home I realized that I had to, I needed to.  You were all so dear and sweet and welcoming upon her arrival and I wanted.... needed, you to know.

sweet Amelia would always sit on the sofa with her paws crossed; such a kind and gentle soul

so many people who met them thought Amelia & Ella were from the same liter

Prior to late yesterday morning Amelia had been perfect- a perfect six year old girl in perfect health.  She was the best girl and so wanted to please and learn, and she was learning.  She came to us not knowing her name, how to walk up stairs, how to play with toys, chew a bone, go for a walk,  the joy of going for a car ride.  She had learned how to do all of the above and even to walk off the leash running through in the woods.  Always a good girl, and coming back when called.  She ran like the wind and I can not put into words the joy on her face as she ran in our meadows and through the forest.  And then there was the overwhelming joy that the sight brought to both Dan and me.  It made us so happy that she was getting to live this amazing, wonderful dog life.  We are so sad for her, and us, that it was cut so short.  What a gift her short time with us was.  What will get us through is knowing that she couldn't have had a better last 2 months, 1 week, and 3 days of her sweet.sweet life.  And in the end, even though our hearts are broken, and even if we could have known, we would have still adopted her and loved her with all our hearts for 2 months, l week and 3 days all over again.  I would always tell Amelia and Ella that they belong to us and we belong to them! 

We are so very grateful to have belonged to her, 

It brings more tears to look out and see her sweet footprints in the snow. While they will melt and fade away her footprints will forever remain on our hearts.  

We are all so sad.

It would mean so much to us if you would say a prayer for our sweet Amelia.  She was, and is, a puppy-angel.

Thank you for understanding.

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post script

Dan and I are absolutely overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support and prayers you have given to us and to Ella.  We have read each comment on the blog, each email, and each comment on Instagram aloud to one another and we have cried and sobbed.  We have felt so loved and held in this time of shock and grief over losing sweet Amelia so suddenly and too soon.    Your words have soothed our broken hearts, your tears have made us feel understood in our grief, and we have felt the love of your comforting hugs.

Knowing that so many of you are saying a prayer for Amelia has brought us the most special gift.  It is as if  all your many prayers are carrying her on wings of love and she is being ushered into heaven by you.  I can never thank you enough for making us feel this and making Amelia so loved in this moment.  She was our gift, and you are our gift also.  I cherish each and every one of you.  While we might not know each other personally I feel we know one another's soul- the soul that loves house and home and dogs (pets.)

To all of you who have mentioned your lost beloved pets- our sympathies to you. We are so grateful that you told us about your loves.

Tonight when I light our candles we will do it as a family and say "Thank you" for each and every one of you- you have given us the gift of love and prayer and understanding and we are so very, very grateful.

Through tears we Thank you.  

with much love,

Joan and Dan and Ella